By Maria Chirvanian | Staff Writer
In an era of evolving dating customs and digital connections, the age-old question lingers: amidst the flux of modern romance and the sharp rise of feminism, is chivalry still the heartbeat of lasting love, or has it quietly faded into obscurity?
In modern day and age, heterosexual dating has shifted towards a more equal dynamic, stripping men and women from their gender roles. This has evolved with feminism, which states that men and women should have equal rights. Of course, this is the most important general aspect out of so many layers, and it has helped today’s society to be more equal between these two genders. However, one cannot deny the dramatic toll this has taken on dating, making people from both genders equally as responsible in a relationship. Obviously, this differs from region to region, sometimes even within one country, because each culture has different values which reflect on people’s behaviors. With the way the world has been changing, what does this imply for straight couples? Should some traditional aspects of dating be kept in relationships?
With Valentine’s Day being right around the corner, we all wonder who is going to ask who out, maybe send them a flower, or make a move to let the other know they are interested in taking them out. However, we don’t often see women offering men flowers, not just on Valentine’s Day, but in general. This has been the case since we can remember; the man usually offers the woman he likes flowers as a sign of courtship and to let her know he is interested. This is one traditional move that has been used for centuries. Today, we also see women offering men flowers sometimes (rarely). Although this is not wrong, but in usual cases,as the world is progressing, a man will not be as happy as a woman when he receives flowers. Similarly, a woman will not walk a man to his door after a date. This is not always necessarily related to courtship; a woman will often feel unsafe alone on a street at night, so a man she trusts, in this case the man she is seeing, walking her to her door and making sure she is home will make her feel safe. Another example is opening doors or small gestures of the sort that women appreciate but that are fading into the background of modern dating.
What we are trying to say here is that although modern society insists men and women are the same and should be treated in the same way and have the same responsibilities, this is not true (Johnson, 2023). The idea is not to criticize or eliminate feminism; on the contrary, women and men should be treated equally as human beings in society and have the same rights. But one cannot deny that dating and romantic relationships are different. Why are we trying to eliminate femininity and masculinity? Why do we want everyone to have equally as much feminine and masculine energies? Why do we want to strip women from their femininity and men from their masculinity? One cannot deny that it would be unrealistic to claim that women and men have, or should have, the same responsibilities. Obviously, this sentence today does not have the same meaning as it did half a century ago (referring to the gender-based roles such as women staying home and taking care of the kids while men go to work).
It is important to note that while traditional aspects of straight relationships are very nice to keep practicing and act as good foundations for happy couples, as they allow feminine women to stay feminine and masculine men to stay masculine, it is not imperative to adopt all of these practices, such as men paying on dates, for example. Some women may feel uncomfortable with the idea of someone else paying for them, even though it is inevitably a nice gesture. At the end of the day, each couple will act however they feel is right and in the way that works for them.
To keep this short, we are not teaching boys how to be gentlemen anymore, as this concept is slowly fading away into the background of modern society.Some problems are starting to stem from this: : women want and expect men to act a certain way, but men don’t, because they have not likely been taught how to do so, which means we cannot blame them (Johnson, 2023).
Traditional dating has so many layers and aspects which are nice, making men feel in control and women taken care of and protected. However, today’s society has enabled us to start acting differently, diverging from femininity and masculinity towards a more balanced energy. As mentioned above, this is not necessarily wrong, as feminism has given women voices and so many opportunities. But let us not forget that at the end of the day, women are still women, and men are still men. Asking them to act equally in a relationship and have the same responsibilities would be like asking a man to act like a woman, and vice versa. Eliminating courtship has proven not to be the best thing; in the end, it is not wrong for a man to protect and take care of the woman he’s seeing, or to express chivalry and add value to her life in a world where women are independent and able to provide for themselves.
References
https://publicsquaremag.org/sexuality-family/identity/gender-difference-traditional-courting-modern-dating/