By Dima Haidar | Staff Writer
Ah, relationships. They are the source of joy, frustration, and everything in between. While some relationship “red flags” are indeed a cause for concern, there are plenty of supposed warning signs that are actually just…normal. And sometimes, even funny.
Some of the common, and uncommon, misconceptions regarding things in relationships that might be a bad sign are the following:
- Spending time apart
While spending quality time with your partner is important in any relationship, it’s healthy to have independent interests and hobbies as well. This often is seen as a sign that a couple is drifting apart or not truly committed. But let’s be real, sometimes you just need some alone time to binge-watch your favorite show or work on personal endeavors. And if your partner is cool with that, all the better. Just make sure to come back and prioritize your relationship.
- Disagreeing
As long as it is done respectfully and constructively, it’s very natural for couples to have disagreements. Sure, it can be frustrating when you and your partner are on opposite sides of an issue, but it’s also an opportunity to practice healthy communication and compromise.
- Having different interests
It’s not mandatory/ necessary to love every single thing your partner loves. Some differences can add variety and excitement to your relationship. As long as you’re both supportive of each other’s interests and make time for shared activities, having different interests is not a red flag.
- Expressing emotions differently
Some people are more stoic, while others wear their hearts on their sleeves. That doesn’t mean that it’s a bad thing. Everyone expresses their emotions differently. As long as both partners are respectful of each other’s communication styles and expressions and can find ways to effectively express their feelings, it’s all good. Who knows, maybe your partner’s inability to stop crying during sad movies will become a running joke between the two of you.
- Taking time to respond
Then there’s the ever-present issue of text messaging etiquette. Is it really a red flag if your partner takes a few hours to respond to your messages? Not necessarily (unless they take a few days or even weeks to respond, and/or they only text back with one-word answers, then that’s slightly problematic and it might be time to start worrying). Not replying to your text right away doesn’t mean your partner isn’t interested or invested in the relationship. It’s important to remember that people have lives as well as different communication styles, and can’t always be glued to their phones. As long as your partner is generally responsive and attentive, it’s not worth stressing about a delayed response. And who knows, maybe they’ll respond with a hilarious meme that will make it all worth it.
- Pet preference
When it comes to pets, there are usually two camps: cat people and dog people. And while it may seem like a trivial preference, some people view being one or the other as a potential red flag in a romantic relationship. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Let’s be real, being a cat or dog person says very little about a person’s character or compatibility as a partner. It’s simply a preference when it comes to pets; there’s really no right or wrong answer. For example, if one person is a dog person and the other is a cat person, they may be able to balance each other out and appreciate each other’s differences. Plus, having a pet can be a great way to bond as a couple and strengthen your relationship (but if they love their pet more than you, then that’s an issue). Ultimately, whether you’re a cat person, a dog person, or both, it’s important to find a partner who respects your preferences and values you for who you are.
- Food “wars”
Yes, there are people who take this matter seriously. Many debatable food combos exist. They include peanut butter and jelly, ketchup on eggs, French fries with mayonnaise, pickles on burgers, spaghetti with ketchup, cereal with orange/apple juice, and the list goes on. But, the most famous one yet is pineapple on pizza! The debate over whether pineapple belongs on pizza has been going on for decades, with strong opinions on both sides. Look, I get it – the idea of putting fruit on a pizza may seem downright sacrilegious to some. But let’s not get too worked up over this, folks. Whether you’re pro-pineapple or anti-fruit-on-pizza, your pizza preferences aren’t and shouldn’t be a deal breaker in a relationship. I think we can all agree that pizza is one of the best creations ever, right? And if we have to put up with some questionable toppings to keep the peace, so be it.
Now, some could say that disliking pineapple on pizza is a sign of being narrow-minded or unadventurous, but doing so doesn’t automatically make someone open-minded or adventurous either. Let’s be real here – it’s just a matter of taste and personal preference when it comes to food. I mean, we’re talking about a fruit that’s known for being the star of a Hawaiian shirt, not a culinary masterpiece. And if you’re one of those folks who loves to pile on the pineapple, I salute you. You’re a true pizza rebel, and we need more folks like you in this world. Sure, you might not agree on whether pineapple belongs on a pizza, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a pie together. Who knows, maybe you’ll even find a new favorite topping that you can both agree on. So let’s put the pineapple debate to rest and enjoy the cheesy goodness that is pizza, shall we?
Some fights are actually vital to happen for a relationship to continue. Sometimes, never fighting could be a sign that someone is always going with the flow and compromising solely on their end, and this also leads to bigger problems eventually. Some real red flags include:
- Controlling behavior: If your partner tries to control what you wear, who you talk to, or what you do, this is a major red flag. A healthy relationship is based on mutual trust and respect, not control.
- Dishonesty: If your partner lies about things, big or small, this is a red flag. Honesty is key in any relationship, and lying erodes trust.
- Disrespect: If your partner belittles you, insults you, or dismisses your feelings, this is a red flag. Respect is essential in any healthy relationship.
- Gaslighting: it is a form of emotional abuse and can be extremely damaging to your mental health. If your partner tries to make you doubt your perceptions or feelings, this is a major red flag.
- Isolation: If your partner tries to isolate you from friends and family or prevents you from pursuing your interests, this is a major red flag. Healthy relationships allow for independence and encourage personal growth.
- Physical or verbal abuse: If your partner hits, pushes, verbally assaults you, forces themselves on you, pushes your boundaries, and doesn’t take no for an answer, then that’s a problem. A no is a no, and they should respect your choice. Any form of abuse is never acceptable in a healthy relationship.
If you are faced with such issues, the EQUITY/ TITLE IX Office is always ready to help. You can find them in College Hall on campus, or you can visit their webpage on the AUB website.
Because every relationship is different, what works for one couple might not work for another. Nobody is perfect, and all relationships include highs and lows. If you notice any red flags, it’s important to address them with your partner and seek help if necessary. Mutual respect, trust, and open communication are the foundations of a successful partnership. Discussing your wants, expectations, and boundaries with your partner openly and honestly is crucial. By doing so, you can work together to build a strong and healthy relationship that will stand the test of time.