By Nour Makarem | Staff Writer
“Daddy issues” is a term that has become increasingly popular in modern culture. It’s often used to describe women who struggle with relationships, particularly with men, due to an absent or neglectful father figure. It is often used in conversations pertaining to a woman’s promiscuous sexual behavior. Statements like “she’s been around; she obviously has daddy issues” or “fatherless behavior” reinforce our society’s idea of what it means to have these problems. In reality, the concept of daddy issues does not always come in the packaging of a teenage girl that gets around. The media, whether it be in movies or songs, almost glamorizes and exploits this concept, further encouraging these ideas.
Overall, this term is based on a set of myths that should have been debunked ages ago. In this article, I will discuss and debunk several of the ideas that make up how the general public has come to understand daddy issues.
Myth #1: Daddy Issues Only Affect Girls
The reality is that anyone who has a father has dealt with the positives and negatives of such a relationship. Frankly, anyone with parents can sympathize with the idea that in some way or another, even amongst all the good, parents can pass on to us generational traumas and negative behaviors that go on to impact our relationships with others and ourselves. In fact, men may be more impacted by issues with parental figures due to the stigma of speaking out and being deemed “weak” or “emotional.” Essentially, the term “daddy issues” is just a gendered way of talking about the impact of parental relationships on individuals.
Myth #2: Everyone with Daddy Issues Has the Same Symptoms
While society looks upon daddy issues with the label of promiscuity, it is important to know that one’s negative or complicated relationship with their father does not produce the same set of behaviors or tendencies in those affected. For one, some people actually become more restrained or develop a fear of commitment. Others might struggle with low self-esteem or engage in unhealthy relationship patterns. Ultimately, assigning one set of symptoms to the concept dismisses the complexities of human relations and the individuality of those affected,
who can suffer from vastly different issues as a result of a similar situation. The reality is that everyone’s experience is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to daddy issues.
Myth #3: Daddy Issues Are Always Caused by an Absent or Neglectful Father
The third myth about daddy issues is that they’re always caused by an absent or neglectful father. While a lack of a present or nurturing father figure can contribute to someone’s emotional struggles, it’s not always the sole cause of these issues. Other factors like abuse, trauma, or a toxic home environment can also lead to attachment and intimacy issues. In fact, a father could be very much present in a child’s life and yet not provide the necessary emotional nurturing a child requires, and therefore impact the way a child navigates other relationships in their life. After all, our parents constitute the basis of how we understand ourselves in relation to others as our primary caregivers. Thus, any deviation in this relationship can create rockiness later in life.
Myth #4: Having Daddy Issues Means You Are Destined for Failed Relationships
“She’s for the streets.” The way society has generalized the topic of daddy issues has resulted in a misconception as to how those affected navigate relationships. As we’ve addressed earlier in this article, daddy issues do not display themselves in one manner. Furthermore, one cannot generalize and say that everyone who has daddy issues will cheat or be abusive. While it can make relationships more difficult to navigate, this belief is not true. It is true that people with attachment and intimacy issues may find it more challenging to form healthy relationships, but it’s not impossible. With therapy and self-reflection, people can work through these issues and develop healthy relationship patterns.
Myth #5: Daddy Issues Cannot Be Treated
The final myth about daddy issues is that they cannot be treated. This is not true. Like all mental health struggles, issues pertaining to parental figures and ourselves can be addressed through several methods and tools. For one, journaling can allow one to display their thoughts on paper, which can allow for a better understanding of thought patterns and provide a release for negative thinking and self-perception. Mindfulness meditation can also help in dealing with negative self-talk and anxieties. And most importantly, therapy, particularly cognitive-behavioral therapy, can help people with attachment and intimacy issues develop new patterns of behavior and overcome their struggles. It’s essential to seek professional help to address these issues and learn coping mechanisms.
To conclude, the term daddy issues reinforces victim blaming and throws the brunt of the hit on daughters while freeing men of accountability for causing these issues in the first place. At heart, such language is used to deflect blame onto women and benefit both her father and her romantic partner; her “daddy issues” are to blame when men mistreat her, and her father’s issues become her own issues when she is neglected by him. The term feeds the idea that women are the issue, absolving men of taking responsibility for their actions, perpetuating sexist stereotypes about women, and attaching all sorts of nasty traits onto them. As a society, we’ve come so far in many areas, so why is it that the term continues to live? We need to do better. We need to be there for these women and allow them the space to come forward to seek help when facing these issues, instead of mocking, dismissing, and devaluing them for our own entertainment. It is already painful to emotionally or physically lose one’s father, so why are we prolonging that pain? Let’s do better; it’s 2023.