By Nour Makarem | Staff Writer
From Mean Girls to Euphoria, it is clear that there’s been a trend in the manner in which the media portrays female friendship. Usually depicted as toxic, full of ups and downs, and decorated with continuous betrayal and drama, it is no wonder why this perspective has overtaken the social discourse on what the general public expects of friendships between women. Though such cases do exist, it is important to note that not all female friendships are the same and that media representations often generalize and exaggerate certain aspects of them. Many are supportive, nurturing, and long-lasting, shaping us for the better and fulfilling certain emotional needs that are only found in the comfort of fellow women, who at times are able to understand us better than we understand ourselves.
As research has shown, women tend to prioritize their friendships and invest more time and energy into maintaining them than men do, given that women place a higher value on emotional intimacy and connection. Female friendships are often characterized by empathy, trust, and a deep understanding of each other’s experiences. A key difference in romantic versus platonic love, especially platonic love between women, is that these relationships are not bound by traditional social expectations and norms, and also tend to last longer. Women are not expected to marry their friends or have children with them, which can create a different kind of pressure and expectation than that found in romantic relationships. There is also no rule book or etiquette as to how we should behave with fellow women, so many of our primary experiences, such as with our mothers and sisters, end up setting a standard on what we expect or how we go about these relations.
In the 2014 film “Gone Girl,” based on the novel by Gillian Flynn, the character of Amy Dunne delivers a memorable monologue that has come to be known as the “cool girl” speech. In this speech, Amy talks about the pressure that women face to be the perfect girlfriend or wife – to be beautiful, intelligent, and above all, easygoing and accommodating to their partner’s every whim. She describes the “cool girl” as a mythical creature who can drink beer, eat junk food, watch sports, and engage in casual sex without ever getting emotional or demanding anything in return.
The “cool girl” monologue has resonated with many women who have felt the pressure to conform to unrealistic standards of femininity in order to be seen as desirable by men. It speaks to the idea of the “not like other girls” trope, where women try to distance themselves from other women who are seen as too emotional or high-maintenance, in order to be seen as more attractive to men.
But as Amy points out in her speech, this is a losing game. No one can be the “cool girl” forever, and eventually, the mask slips, and the true self is revealed. In the film, Amy herself is revealed to be a master manipulator who has carefully crafted her image in order to win the love and approval of her husband. But at the end, her husband discovers her true nature, and she is forced to reveal her darker side.
The lesson of the “cool girl” monologue is that women should not have to contort themselves into someone they’re not in order to please men. It’s important to be true to oneself and to demand respect and equality in relationships. Women should not feel ashamed for being emotional or having needs and desires, and they should not feel like they have to compete with other women in order to be seen as desirable. Ultimately, the only approval that matters is self-approval.
The rise of the “girls’ girl” archetype on social media platforms is a response to the toxic femininity that has been perpetuated in media and society for far too long. The “girls’ girl” prioritizes her relationships with other women and is not afraid to call out misogyny and sexism when she sees it. She supports and uplifts other women, recognizing that their success and happiness do not diminish her own. She recognizes that the growth and development of the bonds she holds with other women are essential for both her individual empowerment and that of the collective. They offer a safe space for women to share their vulnerabilities, fears, and struggles without judgment, and to receive the support and validation they need to overcome them. In learning to nourish the friendship between her and other women, she learns to nourish the relationship with herself. As women come to support each other, they create a ripple effect that can positively impact their families, communities, and society at large.
I grew up in an era where Bratz and Winx promoted the power of friendship, where Miley and Lily taught us about love and trust with your best friend, and where Alex and Harper demonstrated the creation of a safe space, so why have those portrayals not been picked up by media created for those kids who are now growing up?
In conclusion, while media representations of girl friends may be flawed and inaccurate, there is no denying the power and importance of these relationships. Gal pals can provide each other with a sense of belonging, validation, and support that is unmatched by any other kind of relationship. As we continue to celebrate and uplift women, let’s also acknowledge and honor the strength and beauty found amongst the women we are grateful to call our friends.