By Ghina Taan Staff Writer
Girlhood is often depicted as a time of innocence – a whirlwind of giggles and sobs. As we grow older, we realize that girlhood is much more complex than that. It is a time of navigating complicated relationships with the women in our lives, trying to fit into societal expectations, and discovering our own identities amidst this chaos. This article delves into the journey towards embracing womanhood, the difficulties that come with it, and the beauty of finding genuine connections with other women.
When you’re young, life is so simple you could fit it into a box. From the moment you’re thrown into the world, into a sea of strangers, with only a backpack and half-developed prefrontal cortex as a lifejacket. You don’t have the first clue about the way things work. You’re sitting next to a random person, or they’re your mother’s best friend’s daughter, and you think they should be your best friend too. You think this friendship will last forever, and sometimes it does. Other times, it turns ugly, and you fight over a doll, a grade, or a boy. You drift away from friends and start getting closer to your family.
You idolize your mother, and when you turn fourteen, you decide, not so much. You grow up and watch that Lady Bird scene like it’s been cut straight out of your life where in the dressing room, she tells her mother, “I wish you liked me,” and her mother replies, “Of course, I love you,” to which Lady Bird counters, “But do you like me?” only to be met with deafening silence. You curl up next to your mother after a heart-wrenching breakup, and other times, you hide a smile while texting so she won’t have to ask the questions.
You might look at girlhood at a young age and think you’d want to wear lipstick, do your hair, and paint your nails. Or you won’t. You’d think it’s the most revolting thing in the world, or in some cases, you could just be telling yourself that, because you weren’t allowed to put lipstick on before fifteen. You don’t do it, but you don’t make a big deal out of it, or you do. A great deal, actually. Girlhood could have failed you to the point you’d want to run around shouting to the world that you aren’t like other girls. The affection the women in your life have not shown you, whatever role they had to play, is sought into the arms of a man who, for one reason or another, enjoys that statement a little bit too much. You grow up and learn what feminism means, but you grow scared to call yourself one in front of guys, or else you could be dumped into a group of pariahs, just for daring to agree with a movement that entails you’re equal to the people sitting around you.
What you did not know then is that girlhood is much more than superficialities, that gender has nothing to do with what your interests are, and that a bad experience with another girl shouldn’t leave such a bitter aftertaste. You were too young to learn, and no one’s blaming you. It was never your fault when a girl made joke at your expense so a guy would laugh a bit louder, or when you learned to carry a calculator to every meal after a comment your friend made. The hard truth to swallow is that it probably wasn’t their fault either. We’d expect no less when we’re born into a society that is wired to pit women against each other.
We’ve been chained to a confining perspective, much similar to prisoners in a Platonian cave, watching the shadows on the walls, bits and pieces and inaccurate shadows, as if that’s all the reality there is. These shadows constitute what we’ve been programmed to see because of general social perceptions about how we should act, love, and treat each other. We could become so constricted to this vision that we keep shifting the blame, to another woman who took our man, to a mother who mistreated us, when the truth is, they’ve been equally victims of the system as we have. Much in the words of Khaled Hosseini, “like a compass needle that points north, a man’s accusing finger always finds a woman”, but it doesn’t have to be the case, not for us women at least. There is a whole world outside of that cave, and once you muster the courage to let go of the social expectations that chained you inside of it, you’d be blinded by the light the sun has to offer.
You’ll feel a heartwarming surge of affection when you’re with other girls; you’ll look at them and see extensions of yourself everywhere. When you start getting ready for an event five hours prior and still feel it’s too late. And when you’re back home, you’d huddle into a small group and dissect every moment into its parts, giggle, whisper, and shush, even when you’re the only one around to hear your words echo back. Going to the bathroom is an open invitation to anyone to join, whether it’s code red for something or nothing at all. When you ask whether you are “summer” or “autumn,” they answer immediately without questioning you. You’d laugh about astrology and zodiac signs, call it real when you’re compatible, and brush it away when it says Gemini and Scorpio won’t survive the long run. You’ll heal your inner child and blast Taylor Swift because she somehow is as relevant as she was when you were fifteen. After a small fight, you’d call your mother and ask for her advice, and for the first time in a very long while, you’ll find that you agree.
Girlhood is complex, and it’s not always easy to navigate. We’ve been taught to see each other as competitors rather than allies. But when we break free from these constraints and embrace sisterhood, we can find joy and fulfillment in our relationships with other women. And when we find that, it’s liberating. It’s so liberating that we want to go and paint the town red with our joy, shouting from the top of our lungs that we are like other girls, that we are just like them. So in honor of International Women’s Day, let’s celebrate our differences, but most importantly, our similarities, and embrace the beauty of being a woman.