By Lynn Ayoub | Staff Writer
“Can’t Help Myself” was an industrial robot considered to be a piece of art made by Sun Yuan and Peng Yu. It was designed to keep itself alive no matter what. The robot wasn’t capable of killing itself nor shutting down, it was trapped to repeat the same cycle over and over again. This is essentially what a chronic overthinker goes through; the agony of rumination, cycles, loops, dwelling on minorities so underestimated, making an overthinker misunderstood, judged, and humiliated. Obsessive worrying, depressive and angry rumination are three different types of overthinking that can be experienced altogether or separately. These drawbacks are caused by two main issues, namely early reinforcement and the illusion of control. With that being said, maintaining a seemingly healthy and optimistic lifestyle is like teaching a person who spent their entire life using a chainsaw to cut paper that there is a better, easier way to cut paper and with a far better outcome.
Everything moves; it’s always moving, words, actions, people, even time. What happens in one moment in time can’t be retrieved or relieved; Einstein’s theory of relativity forbade the idea of traveling back in time. We have memories and stories to tell; that is simply all we have. What is possible, however, is being stuck in a moment of time, latching onto a word or action, interaction, a minor mistake, a memory, playing it like an unending loop over and over again in your head as if you’re still their paralyzed in that moment. Your head is like a void with nothing but thoughts ricocheting off. It’s when every small detail isn’t that small anymore. When your mind takes over your life, and you don’t know what is normal anymore, you become like a hamster running frantically on a wheel, exhausting yourself without actually going anywhere.
Anticipating problems is a very crucial habit to cultivate but it’s most definitely different from obsessively worrying, which is the art of creating problems that weren’t there in the first place. It’s drinking the poison that your mind is pouring for you and wondering why you feel sick. Your mind is handing you the bricks and you’re building the wall instead of finding a way out. As opposed to prosperous reflection, an overthinker suffers from depressive rumination, which is brooding or dwelling on one’s own mistakes and failures, replaying events from the past in an unhelpful way, knowing it won’t lead to anything but shame, guilt, and despair. Dr. Hendriksen, a clinical psychologist, mentioned in episode 69 of her podcast Savvy Psychologist that rumination, which is a loop of unending, wasteful thinking, can develop into major mental illness over time. On the other hand, imagine playing back an argument you had with a loved one and going over where you were right and they were wrong. At that moment, it feels good. However, this is called angry rumination, in which the object of overthinking is other people’s mistakes. This often leads to aggression, resentment, misunderstanding, paranoia, trust issues, and distorted beliefs of people in our lives.
Diving into the roots, imagine how a child of alcoholic parents obsessively worries about what would happen if either of their parents came home drunk. This habit of overly ruminating about things has served a very efficient role in keeping you safe or avoiding fights and harsh outcomes. Early reinforcement is one of the main causes of overthinking. As a kid, this habit that kept you safe to a certain extent was reinforced as a tool of salvation and shelter that protects your heart from different sorts of pain.
Moreover, as humans, we spend most of our lives trying to be in control. Since the dawn of time, wars have erupted and people have died over the illusion of control, the feeling that you’re in power over something. A normal human mind might understand that some things can’t be controlled and yet still be able to control other aspects, for example, when to let go of things. An overthinker finds power in this rumination. In short terms, we know that many things in life are out of control, which leads to a sense of impuissance and anxiety, rumination alleviates those feelings making them stronger, which feels productive to the overthinker even if it isn’t as if they anticipated the outcome, and because anxiety relief is rewarding, it makes this habit even stronger.
Overthinking is not just thinking twice about what to do next or taking precautions to avoid trouble and pain. Overthinking is pain; it consumes the person from the inside; it’s your own mind starting a war, slaughtering whatever peace it has left; it’s when words are swords cutting slowly on your skin, and you’re paralyzed, watching your blood painting the burning ground beneath your legs. It’s not a matter of letting go or developing a better lifestyle, it’s a no-choice matter. It’s your own mind turning on you, and there is nothing you can do about it; it’s taking in a gentle breeze and turning it into a raging storm, blind, recking your world, forcing you to kneel and beg for an escape.
References:
- Hendriksen, Ellen. “Toxic Habits: Overthinking.” www.quickanddirtytips.com/health-fitness/mental-health/toxic-habits-overthinking
- Sun Yuan and Peng Yu: Audience, agency, and complicity (no date) SpiegelWilks Seminar Venice Biennale. Available at: https://web.sas.upenn.edu/venicebiennale/sun-yuan-and-peng-yu/