By Emma Sleiman | Staff Writer
It’s time to learn how to greenwash like a pro. If you’re tired of feeling guilty about your contributions to the destruction of the planet, this is your place. Here’s how to hide your unsustainable habits behind a thin veil of environmentalism, so you’ll feel good about yourself and get social approval at the same time.
The environmental movement is hot these days, with influencers and celebrities jumping on board. But let’s be honest: how many of them practice what they preach? How many of them have given up their private jets and yachts, designer clothes, luxury cars, and meat-based diets for a more sustainable lifestyle? Many, but not all. So why should you feel bad about not being a perfect eco-warrior? After all, the climate crisis isn’t your fault, right? It’s the greedy corporations and their irresponsible practices that caused it. Sure, maybe you could recycle more or use less plastic, but hey, you’re doing your best, right?
Here’s how greenwashing works. By pretending to care about the environment, you can absolve yourself of guilt and even gain some social capital. Just follow these simple steps, and you’ll be on your way to becoming a master of greenwashing.
Step one: This one’s a classic. Buy some reusable bags and talk about them on social media. It shows everyone you care about the environment without having to change your habits. Sure, you might use reusable bags once or twice, but eventually, you’ll forget them at home or get lazy and go back to using plastic. But hey, you got the likes, so it’s all worth it, right?
Step two: Whether it’s a clothing line made of recycled materials or a skincare company that claims to be all-natural, find a brand that fits your style and post about it. In addition to looking good, you’ll be supporting a company that’s doing its part for the environment (at least that claims so).
Step three: Donate to a climate change organization. This is a win-win because not only will you feel good about yourself, but you’ll be able to prove you care about the environment. Your donation might go viral if you post about it on social media and will show how much of a conscious human being you are.
Step four: Taking part in a climate change rally or protest is a bit more effort, but it’s worth it for the photo op alone. Put on your coolest eco-friendly outfit, grab a sign with a catchy slogan, and just do it. You’ll be part of something bigger than yourself, and your Linkedin followers will notice how much passion you’re putting into all of this (this usually goes under the volunteering section of your CV as you make sure you help in the logistics of the event).
So there you have it, folks, the ultimate guide on how to greenwash like a pro. With these simple steps, you can fool everyone into thinking you’re a responsible environmentalist, all while continuing to live your unsustainable lifestyle. Next up, we’ll teach you how to build your very own eco-friendly startup where you’ll be shivering from one funding round to another making everyone hope that all young people are like you! Who says you can’t have your cake and eat it too after all?