By Haya Nashar | Staff Writer
“Kill all men!”
“Kill all men!”
Many emotions are encapsulated in this phrase: anger, fear, and resentment. While it may seem obscene, the phrase is ultimately a coping mechanism for individuals’ prevalent trauma. “Kill all men” began as a comedic attempt to call out the idiosyncrasies of everyday misogyny (Lyon, n.d.). As it mostly appears satirically, its purpose runs deeper than its comical facet.
What does the phrase ‘toxic masculinity’ even mean? Generally, it is a concept used to define the potentially dangerous traditional characteristics set for men and masculine-identifying people (Sheppard, 2020). It is somewhat of an umbrella term encompassing various different behaviors resulting from assumptions deeply ingrained into society. Assuming that all men should be the unemotional, violent breadwinners in any given situation is outdated, problematic, and truly dangerous. This inevitably creates an unrealistic understanding of what it means to be a man in today’s society. Boys and men are taught to believe these false biases and attempt to live up to them; which not only harms them, but also those around them.
Before diving into the ins and outs of toxic masculinity, it is important to note that masculinity is not a bad or toxic quality. When in fact, it is because of society’s construction of its narrow expectations of masculinity that make it viewed as so. What individuals need to remember is that one does not have to like sports or women to be a man. Crying or showing an ounce of weakness does not make anyone less of a man. For any man or male-identifying person reading this, I say to you: being a man, in its definition, can mean whatever you want it to be. It is neither up to society nor anyone but yourself to define who you are.
When men actively avoid vulnerability, act on homophobic attitudes, or act in a way that is discriminatory towards women, this feeds into larger societal issues. Its contribution to rape culture, violence, and gender-based abuse are a part of the societal impacts of toxic masculinity (White, 2021). This ideology views women as yet another sexual conquest, contributing to issues such as the objectification of women, sexual harassment, and rape culture. The term “boys will be boys” can only go so far. Using it to excuse violent behaviors or sexual abuse is not what this phrase is inclusive of.
Toxic masculinity also teaches men that aggression is what they should resort to – unless they would, God forbid, want to appear weak. The resulting violence is either outwardly expressed through physical dominance and aggression, or other times, it is internalized through depression, addiction, or suicide (Sheppard, 2020). Instances that also fall under the umbrella of toxic masculinity are homophobic tendencies. Because of the fact that men are supposed to emulate the hetero-matcho-male, this requires attraction to a cisgender, straight woman. Anything that resembles differently is viewed as a threat. The joke “no homo” is a way to dismiss that threat via heterosexism, one of the traits associated with toxic masculinity (White, 2021).
Whatever your gender or sexual orientation may be, it is your job to address instances of toxic masculinity. Detoxifying masculinity is the healthiest step forward; as feeding into this toxicity will bring us nowhere. It is not human to be constantly emotionless and tough all the time. So, why are these acceptable characteristics for men to have? Simple to say, it shouldn’t be. The first step to dismantling this concept is addressing and acknowledging its existence. And above all, as a human, and as a man or male-identifying person, being true to yourself is essential. Do not give into society’s false fabrication of who you should be. Being comfortable with who you are is all that matters.